


I'll Never Hurt You Again

by orphan_account



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mention of fighting, a lot of fluff, slight angst?? Not really but a little, there's really just a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 11:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9321752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Philip and Lukas say "I love you" to each other for the first time and Lukas apologizes for everything he's done to hurt Philip.(Takes place about a week after the Red Hook Party).





	

Philip's laugh makes Lukas forget about all of the bad in the world. For those few, short seconds Lukas can breathe easy and suddenly, the murders never happened and Ryan Kane never took a bulldozer to their lives. Suddenly, nothing else exists except for Philip Shea. And Lukas is okay with that. More than okay.

Lukas does everything he can to make that laugh last. That rare, raw beauty. But eventually, that gleam of happiness in Philip's dark eyes fades and the smile disappears as the weight of Anne Shea replaces it. So Lukas tries harder. He makes crappy puns and jokes that mostly, Philip just smiles and pushes his shoulder at. But sometimes, he's rewarded with a bright laugh and an embarrassed _I can't believe you just said that._ Soon, smiling becomes less of a chore and Philip finds that laughing isn't so impossible. 

Today was one of those days. It was a Saturday, and Lukas finally got done with all his chores so he all but ran to Philip Shea. Really, he rode his motorbike, like he usually did, but that didn't sound as romantic. 

He found him in the barn, working on physics homework that was due yesterday. Lukas smiled to himself. Philip was getting better. He no longer spent the entire day curled up in a giant blanket, just trying to get through the day to go to the next. Only to do the same thing the next day. Proof of that was written in his neat handwriting as he jotted down the vocabulary words and definitions that Mr. Chase said would be on their "pop" quiz next week. (Mr. Chase never really was good at "pop" quizzes.)

The barn. It was full of so many good memories. Whispered memories that Lukas wishes he could bottle up and get drunk on when the bad ones got too loud. He smiled down at the brunette boy huddled amidst the stacks of hay and notes. Philip looked up at Lukas, as if he could sense the other boy was just a couple feet away.

"I was just about to text you if you wanted to come over for dinner," Philip smiled, Lukas swears that it brightened the dimly-lit barn and made Lukas's insides do somersaults. Philip scooted over and pushed his homework to the side to give Lukas a place to sit. The ghost of the smile still dusted lightly over his pink lips.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. Unless its Helen's cooking. I still haven't quite recovered from last time," Lukas pulled Philip to him as he laughed. He let the sound wash over him and savored every moment of it.

"Don't worry, we're safe- Gabe put chicken in the oven,"

"Oh thank God," Lukas cupped Philip's face and gave him a quick kiss before pulling away to look into his eyes. He could get lost in Philip's eyes, and he already has. The happiness lingered a little longer than it used to, and Lukas couldn't resist giving his boyfriend another kiss and deepening it. He wished he could stay in this moment forever and live in it. But eventually, he had to pull away. Lukas squeezes his eyes shut and pressed his forehead to Philip's, memorizing the way Philip fit in his arms and against his lips. And, oh god- his stomach _hurts._

_I wish I could freeze time and keep good moments like this with me forever._

"That's called a picture, dork," _Oops, did he say that out loud?_

Lukas laughed again. "Then let's take one," he pulled his boyfriend close and grabbed his phone out of his back pocket. He kissed him on the cheek before the flash went off and Philip laughed. Both the kiss and the laugh were immortalized in the photo. Lukas knew he would cherish this moment forever, and now he had the picture to accompany it.

"Lukas," Philip's soft voice gently tugs Lukas from his warm thoughts. He turns and faces him and is greeted by Philip caressing his cheek with his thumb, his fingers curled around his jaw. Lukas once again found himself being lured into his brown eyes. Philip's eyes. Philip chewed on his bottom lip for a split second before continuing in a soft voice, "I love you."

For a moment, Lukas thought he imagined it. He's heard those words somewhere before, and an aching memory itched at his brain. The words were so familiar, and yet, Lukas couldn't quite place where he's heard them before.

Philip's hand twitched on his face and an expression he's seen twice before brushed across his features. Once in the cabin after Lukas had first kissed him and told him that no one was ever gonna find out about this, and again when Lukas pushed Philip against the shed wall and begged him not to tell Helen what happened in that cabin. It was an expression that didn't need words to say: _Please don't hurt me, I'm vulnerable. You have my heart in your hands, don't crush it._ Both times, Lukas had caused that emotion; and both times, he kissed him afterwards. This time should be no different.

Lukas smiled and cupped Philip's face again. Before he met Philip, he never thought that those three, simple and complex words would ever come easy to him. But they did. With Philip, it was like second nature. He'd thought about saying it a thousand times before. He couldn't remember the first time the thought flitted through his head: _I love you._ But when it did, it felt like a loud song with a strong base thumping inside his chest, in his bones, in every inch of his body. _Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum._ The steady pulse of emotion threatened to split his skin at the seams as it was perfectly in rhythm with his beating heart. Lukas didn't even have to think about it before the words he'd only dreamed of saying graced his lips.

_"I love you too."_

Lukas kissed him again, slow and chaste. His head was spinning with the pure joy of knowing that this boy loved him just as much as he did. Lukas ran his fingers through Philip's thick brown curls and pressed his face into his neck, letting the essence of Philip Shea welcome him, and embrace him. 

Lukas thought back to the look on Philip's face right before he said that he loved him too, and remembered a similar one that had settled there way too many times. One that he put there more than he ever should have. _Heartbreak._

"I'll never hurt you again," Lukas's lips brushed past Philip's ear and caused goosebumps on the boy's skin as the whispered words echoed around the dusty barn. Philip pulled back, confusion spelled out in his eyes, a small frown tugging at his mouth. Lukas pushed back a strand of hair that had fallen across his forehead and met the other boy's quizzical expression. "I've hurt you so much, and you didn't deserve any of it." 

A sob climbs up his throat and threatened to force it's way past his teeth, but Lukas forced it down. "I'm so sorry Philip."

Lukas swallowed the lump remaining in his throat. "I'm sorry for pushing you away and hitting you when we were in the hallway," he clenched his jaw. Sometimes he could still feel Philip's soft face underneath his hard fist. Sometimes, when he closed his eyes, all he could see is Philip's wide eyes and hurt expression. Betrayal clinging to the lips he had kissed just a day earlier.

"I'm sorry for making you lie to Gabe and Helen," Lukas replayed the times Philip had begged him to tell and told him that it would only get worse if he didn't. He thought about the times he just shook his head and told himself that nothing could ever be worse than everyone finding out about him and Philip. 

"I'm sorry for making you film me and Rose," Lukas's voice quieted. He got so caught up with keeping his lie going, he hadn't realized he wasn't just hurting Philip- but Rose too. 

"I'm sorry for lying about the drugs, and I'm sorry for the party," Lukas could still smell the tequila on Philip's breath as he drank enough that could've killed him, _because of Lukas._ He could never forget the world crashing down in Philip's eyes as he sat across from him at the picnic table. How could Philip not absolutely _Hate_ him? _He should._

_I'll never forgive myself._

Lukas paused and searched Philip's face, but the brunette's eyebrows just bunched together and he shook his head gently. But Lukas had one more think to apologize for.

"I'm so sorry for keeping you a secret,"

Chewing on his lip, Lukas nervously waited for Philip to say something. For a couple seconds, time seemed to hold it's breath. "Lukas, I've already forgiven you for those things," he says, slowly. _How? How could he forgive him after all that he's done to him?_ "You need to forgive yourself, too."

Lukas didn't think he could. Those memories kept replaying over and over in his head on a loop. Each time, the same broken expression mirrored in Philip's eyes. It was times like this when he needed a drink. Grabbing his hand, Philip smiled at him. The look was way different than the one burned into Lukas's mind. But Lukas knew that, somehow, _it was going to be okay._ Philip kissed him before he pulled away and laughed.

"Now, let's go eat dinner," and Lukas laughed too.


End file.
